Stinky, French, Goat Cheese

I usually don’t eat anything with lactose but since it was my last time in Paris i felt adventurous enough to try cheese. We were visiting a friend’s home in the center of Paris by the Eiffel Tower which made me feel more French than ever. Everything was just great until after apero and dinner. It was cheese and baguette time! It was then when one of the worst experiences of my life happened. I am not exaggerating, really i am not.

I am a true Parisian

Our friends have known my husband longer than they have known me. He used to rent their apartment in Paris until he moved to a bigger house do to our marriage (not my fault). They are the nicest Parisians we have ever met. An older couple living in a very French suburban apartment. We started with the famous apero which included snacks like small squares of cow cheese, mini carrots, mini wieners,mini tomatoes and wine. As we relaxed and talked about the differences from LA and Paris the white-haired, blue-eyed  and a bit on the heavy side man answered ” Bien sur ! I was born in Paris” when my husband had asked him If he knew Paris streets well. His nice and friendly wife got very close to me and said ” He is a true Parisian you know” as she backed away from me nodding and fixing her very thick glasses i thought about how lucky i was to be in Paris; it made me feel adventurous about experiencing all things French again.

Never Ending Dinner

The French are known for spending a lot of time sitting,talking and drinking wine at the table, for hours and hours and hours. But they are also known for eating a lot. When we started dinner i though the dishes would never end. After the main course which included green beans and salmon we had a big salad. Once i had undone my jean’s button i realized we were half way there. She insisted we tried the fruits.  The drinks kept on rolling too! After that we talked more and then some more when it was finally time for the cheese and baguette. She brought out two different types of original French and very expensive cheese. He explained how the farmers make it in their farms and she told us that once she had visited one of those places when she was young.  She advised me that if we ever went to visit a cheese farm to go on an empty stomach because the smells would make me vomit. She once saw her grandfather eat old green moldy cheese with worms in it. Her husband said that it was probably not that bad since the worms were made of cheese. He handed me a piece of goat cheese saying ” ici ma belle, this is the real cheese, strong but very good.” I was exited to try this cheese, i was feeling very Parisian by then, until.

You Make Me So Sick I Could Vomit

With a smile and a ” merci” i took the piece of gooey cheese and took a big bite. Chewing it I waited for the taste. I smelled the piece of cheese in my hand, it was not stinky at all. Suddenly, bang! The taste of what melted  plastic mixed with rancid milk and a dead goat would taste like passed through my throat.  Not wanting to swallow it i continued chewing the rest of the cheese i had in my mouth. I smiled at the man as he explained to me all thing cheese.  I felt i might have an anxiety attack; It literally made me sick to my stomach and my nerves twitched. My throat burned with the stench and my stomach rejected it, i felt it turning. I felt dizzy and like throwing up. Not wanting to be rude i discretely got a napkin and spit it into it when no one was looking. I drank all of my wine and the rest of my kid’s cranberry juice to wash off the taste but it wasn’t enough. My husband who had not eaten cheese in a long time had a bite too. He didn’t have any problem eating it since he had eaten all kind of stinky cheeses before he had turned vegan. He even ate the rest of my piece!  After they were done tasting it and talking about it the question came up “Alors, what did you think of it dear?” the real Parisian asked me. I couldn’t lie. I looked at my husband and then i explained in detail what i had felt while i was eating it. I must have made funny or horrifying faces and expressions when talking about it that they all bursts into laughs. I laughed about it too deciding i would never eat that again. It literally made me feel sick. I liked the cow smooth,sweeter cheese  better. But never again! Thank God dinner was not over! I washed off the taste of moldy cheese with the chocolate ice cream she gave us before we headed home.

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